Protect Your Immortal Soul Today!

Awhile back, a Christian Tweeted an interesting question to atheists. The question was this: “Why would you risk your soul? #atheism” Now, I know the Christian wasn’t actually expecting an answer, but I would like to answer this question anyway.

My response is simple. I would ask a question right back; “Why he or she would risk be exposed to Thetans by rejecting L. Ron Hubbard? My point is that they don’t believe Thetans exist (I don’t either btw) and that is why they don’t consider it a risk to not believe in Thetans. I don’t believe souls exist and that is why rejecting Christianity in favor of reality doesn’t actually risk my soul. I have no soul to risk and no soul to lose.

In fact, I am so not worried about my soul being lost that I will gladly sell it to you along with all my Thetans to any Christian and Scientologist willing to pay me a decent amount of money in reality.

The question itself however, is just a watered down version of Pascal’s Wager. To really protect your soul, you should believe in every religion. But you can’t do that because many of them are mutually exclusive. So I’m going to pitch Christians the next best thing:

No more risks to your immortal soul for working on the Sabbath. No more risks to your immortal soul for premarital sex or accidently calling out the name of the wrong deity during sex. No more risks from Thetans for taking anti-depressants or talking to an SP. Did you accidently look on someone with lust in your heart? No problem, your soul is protected!

Protect your Soul and protection from Thetans too for no extra charge with this once in an afterlife time offer. How much would you expect to pay to protect your immortal soul and protection from all of those nasty Thetans? Ten million dollars, you say? Well, it is certainly worth every penny of that and then some. Think about it; eternity is a very long time and these souls and Thetans are eternal. When you think about a mere ten million dollars – that’s a bargain. Slash that, for this one reality only event, we’ll give you all that protection absolutely free! That’s right, all you have to do is send us zero dollars and zero cents in three monthly installments of zero and you will get protection for your eternal soul from every religion’s version of Hell plus protection from any and all Thetans sent against you from the Evil Galactic Overlord, Xenu. But that’s not all; act now and we will throw in a more enjoyable reality here and now absolutely free? How do you get this amazing offer? It’s easily — use reason, logic, and skepticism and become an atheist today. Order within your one lifetime and you will receive a free gift of a sense of wonder and curiosity about the universe and everything. Hurry, supplies are limited heathens are standing by to take your order.