I’m going to miss old Pope Palpatine. Say what you will about his ridiculous beliefs, his hard line position against gays and condoms, his Nazi past, or his direct involvement with the church sex abuse scandal, old Joey the Ratzinger was fun to follow on the Twitter.
Speaking of Twitter, my favorite of his Tweets was when he claimed that if you deny God, you are denying human dignity. That one was a hilarious. But it wasn’t as funny as when he associates Nazis with atheism with a straight face.
All joking aside, I do have a lot of fond memories of Pope Benedict XVI though (not to be confused with fondle memories which I fortunately didn’t have). Okay, maybe not “aside” per se, but memories nonetheless.
Let’s not forget that it was under Benedict that the Church renewed their age old crusade against witches in England. And while he has reluctantly giving up his red Prada shoes, Benedict is not such a fan of Benetton. Speaking of advertising campaigns that the Pope Emeritus didn’t like, he actually did scream over Ice Cream.
And who could forget the Courtyard of Gentiles. I wonder what ever happened with that. Maybe Alain de Botton showed up. I don’t know.
Condoms! I’ll miss the Pope’s insane condom rants.
I’ll always remember that Pope Benedict treated the Church as the con-business/cult it is. Like when he told a bunch of people to pray to a shroud that he knew was fake just so he can make a buck and strengthen his cult-hold over some poor ignorant sheep.
Don’t worry though, he didn’t fuck them over the way his priests fucked over little children for centuries. With a cluster-fuck like that in the news every day, if I were Pope, I’d retire too. That may not be the reason for his retirement though. Here are five somewhat wild conspiracy theories (the last one is great for the picture alone). The sixth theory of course is that the Pope might be gay… or maybe just obsolete. In any case, THIS was my reaction upon hearing of his retirement.
I do want to be clear about one thing though. As much as I would love to see Joey the Rat behind bars, that probably isn’t going to happen. He certainly isn’t asking some other head of state for immunity he already has at home.
One can only grope… I mean hope that the next Pope is at least as crazy as this last one. We need the comedy of errors that was Pope Benedict XVI. With any luck, we’ll get a new ridiculous Pope and the Pope Emeritus will remain in the spotlight making ridiculous statements. I might have two Twitter feeds to follow.
Related articles
- Pope resigns: An atheist’s reflections (examiner.com)
- Pope’s resignation: Five conspiracy theories (examiner.com)
- Benedict: The gay pope? (examiner.com)
- Pope arrest unlikely (examiner.com)
- The Pope is obsolete (examiner.com)
- Did The Pope Really Seek Immunity For War Crimes? (skepticink.com)
- Atheism Needs Your Vote Today! (skepticink.com)
