• Idiocy in Texas

    Unless you’ve been living under a rock (and Cthulhu knows how much I wish I were right now), you’ve heard that the US Army is preparing to invade Texas under the guise of “wargames” and everyone from Uncle Bubba (concerned citizen) to presidential hopeful Ted “Who needs NASA?” Cruz is freaking out. Well, not really, people like our tin foil hat wearing governor aren’t freaking out, but the are pandering to the idiots who think that Texas is about to be invaded.

    Here’s a hint… Texas is already a part of the US! You know what they call it when an army unit invades a piece land that is already owned by that country? Nothing. Because it can’t happen. You can’t invade territory you already own.

    Further, Jade Helm consists of special forces training in various exercises in “hostile” and “friendly” country. Kind of like when UT drives up to OU for a game… hostile territory. We’re talking about 1500 Navy SEALs, Marines, Green Berets, Air Force Special Ops, etc. They will be spread out over some 500,000 square miles (estimate) of training ground in Texas. Although, some areas will receive special attention. For example, that den of rebellious Texas that refuse to submit to Obummer Tea-party nitwits, in Bastrop.

    Now, our governor, Greg “Tinfoil Hat” Abbott, has decided action must be taken. In order to make sure the concerned citizens of Texas are represented and reassured he gets some press time, he has called out the Texas State Guard. Because, obviously, that’s the first response when military units from your own country come to visit.

    What I really don’t get (not that I “get” much about these morons who “lead” us) is that Ted Cruz is a “Fierce advocate of recruiting and growing the military. (Campaign website, www.tedcruz.org, “Issues” , Jul 17, 2011).” Yet, when that military suggests that it TRAIN for the wars that people like Jeb “Scare the fuck out of them” Bush want to send them into… Ted demands answers from the Pentagon (video included for the lulz).

    I have prepared a couple of handy responses that Abbot or Cruz could have used when asked about this. These are the kind of answers that any reasonable person would give…

    Hey morons, you realize there’s already 15 military bases in Texas. Including Fort Freaking Hood, the most populous military base in the world (billeting for 6,007 officers and 82,610 enlisted) with the 1st Cavalry division. The 3rd Cav regiment, and the command group for III Corps and the First Army Division. 1200 Special Forces guys will not change the firepower available to destroy Texas AT ALL.


    Just out of curiosity, which Texas Guard Unit (out of the six Civil Affairs Regiments, two Air Wings, a Medical Brigade and a Maritime Regiment that make up the Texas Guard) will last more than 35 seconds if a whole bunch of US Army, Navy, Marine, and Air Force special ops guys decide to destroy them?


    You realize that this can only HELP the US Army by providing them with semi-trained opponents to actually avoid, chase, and scare the bejeebus  right? I can see the headlines now “Another State Guard Journalist in Bastrop ER with a rubber knife stuck up his ass”.


    Here’s a hint, you, your cousin Fred, his cousin Billy Jake, and the 17 teeth you have between you will NOT play Red Dawn and, using two shotguns, three hunting dogs, and your 4-wheelers, defeat the entire US Army, should they come knocking on your door. I would put your odds of surviving longer than 35 seconds at 12:1 . I assure you, if push comes to shove, your shotgun will not take out an Apache, a Predator, or a cruise missile filled with cluster bombs. You are not John Wayne, this is not the Alamo (and remember that everyone there died anyway).

    Any of these are valid responses when a town says “I’m scared the army will invade Texas”. Anything else is akin to pandering to a small child by letting them kick the soccer ball past you for a goal.

    Where do these idiots come from and why do people vote for them? I seriously don’t understand how some 46% of the US population thinks that these morons are good for the country.

    Category: Government


    Article by: Smilodon's Retreat