• The Bible II: The Eye of Braxus

    Despite the fact that the Bible is hopelessly boring, the characters have no depth to them, and many of the stories challenge human credibility and morality the Bible remains the bestselling book of all time. The History Channel recently capitalized on the books popularity with much success. Now they are planning on creating a sequel mini-series.

    And why shouldn’t they? That’s what we do when something is popular; we make a sequel. Here is the thing — the Bible actually already has quite a few sequels. The New Testament is a sequel to the Torah. The Book of Mormon and the Koran are sequels to the New Testament and many other crazy cults have been built off of the Bible too. In fact, a sure fire way to build a cult is to base it off the Bible.

    The History Channel’s planned sequel will be different though. They are planning a mini-series that will follow the alleged history of the early Christians. That’s great for them, but I think they should really go all out here. I think they should write an actual sequel to the Bible – Joel Schumacher style.

    Set in modern day, Jesus returns to Earth. Like he did last time, he does so in a surprising way. Last time his people expected a rich and powerful king and they got the son of a peasant carpenter. This time, his people are expecting Chuck Norris in a robe, but they will get the stereotypical gay fashion designer from Soho.

    Forget the sequel. Sequels are so yesterday. Today, we re-imagine our source material. So what if we make Jesus a woman and she can have sexual tension with Judas? It would make the betrayal thing much stronger. Pontius Pilate could be Jesus’ twin brother lost at birth.

    What are your ideas for a sequel or re-imagination of the Bible? Post your funny thoughts down below.

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    Category: Bible


    Article by: Staks Rosch

    Staks Rosch is a writer for the Skeptic Ink Network & Huffington Post, and is also a freelance writer for Publishers Weekly. Currently he serves as the head of the Philadelphia Coalition of Reason and is a stay-at-home dad.