In the first of (at least three) posts in response to reader questions, I have a tough one. Eugen asks, “what do women want?”
First, I am not a woman, and even if I was, I doubt I could speak for the majority (or even a small minority) of women in the world.
Second, this is a broad (no pun intended) question. Do we need to address relationships, material goods, emotional structures, education, careers, etc?
So keeping all that in mind, here is what I have observed.
First, women want someone to pay attention to them. How much attention depends on the woman. Some do not want to be smothered. Some expect a great deal of adulation and worship (for lack of a better word). The trick is finding the right amount of attention before the relationship explodes.
Second, most women like shiny toys just as much as men. The type of shiny toy matters and it’s best to determine what kind of shiny toy will be appreciated before hand. My grandfather proposed to my grandmother with a shotgun. Just before she beat him to death with it, she noticed the engagement ring around the barrel. There are plenty of women who want new computers and don’t want diamonds. I have met very few of them, but they exist.
Third, women want to know that they are loved. Most people (men, women, children) are the exact same way. But, for some reason, it is often difficult for men to express that love. Spontaneous flowers (if they like that sort of thing), surprise romantic dinners, etc. These things will help the male of the species in expressing his intent. It’s a darn shame that humans just don’t have a mating dance… or maybe it’s for the best considering most men’s complete lack of skill at dancing.
So much of a relationship is figuring out what one’s partner likes, wants, needs, and doesn’t like, want, and need. And don’t forget the fun when what they need and what they want are completely opposite. In my experience, women are generally more sensitive to emotions and expressing themselves. Men are, again, in my experience, pretty much the emotional equivalent of wall safes.
Women, if you find a guy who can figure this kind of thing out and follows the above rules… stay with him. You probably won’t find two of them in your lifetime. And when you find someone who can figure you out… appreciate him, because he’s busting ass to make you happy.
Men, as a gender, we really have to push ourselves to think emotionally and to think about our partner. It’s hard, it’s annoying, it can be painful when we get it wrong. But it’s worth it. When you find that woman who appreciates you and your efforts… stay with her.
I don’t know if that answers your question, but that’s the best I’ve got for 30 plus years of sitting in the corner and watching the relationships around me.
