Thanks to my recent observations on Twitter, I have discovered a handy way to control the unwashed masses when they decide to question your authority on an issue. Sometimes they might have a decent point, in which case the usual practice of arguing against their position using reason and evidence will prove rather difficult. So, do the following instead:
- Interpret each opponent as uncharitably as possible. This is non-negotiable.
- Select the vilest, most hateful-sounding opponents (these exist in every group). Tell everyone: these are who you’re up against.
- If the uprising is large enough, you’re sure to find some abuse and harassment. Highlight it, and then ask loudly why none of the “reasonable” (scare quotes not optional) ones are denouncing it. Ignore those who are denouncing it.
- Ban, block, delete – do whatever you can to frustrate them. Hopefully one or two of them will snap; this will provide you with more ammunition.
- Look at the demographic of the rabble. Very white and male, yes? Those rather frustrated-looking women and minorities over there are just sockpuppets, created by white males. Probably. Ignore them.
- If any abuse is coming from your side, ignore it. If you can’t, find some reason why it doesn’t count, or why it’s a false equivalence. It’s ok when you do it, and besides, they deserve it. Perhaps it’s one of them acting as a sockpuppet. After all, how can it be proven either way?
- Tell them to stop making their arguments. Ask: how can they keep making their case while women (on your side) are being harassed? This allows you to demolish their arguments in peace; they can’t respond without being seen to be insensitive to victims of harassment. Perfect!
- Beseech the most reasonable ones to leave the uprising. Tell them that the cause is tarnished beyond salvation, and the only way to save themselves is to go it alone. Reassure them that once they shake off the shackles of vicarious guilt, you’ll listen to their concerns. If they take your advice; great, once they’re on their own you don’t need to listen to them!
If you try this method and it works for you, then please don’t thank me. Instead, thank the many wonderful people on Twitter who demonstrated its effectiveness to me.