![\"teresay-orig\"](\"https:\/\/skepticink.com\/verycherry\/files\/2016\/09\/teresay-orig.jpeg\")
<\/a>On the morning of September 11th, I made the short drive to work at Columbia Mall, to be there by 9am. As I parked my car at the mall, I took the adapter for my CD player out of my tape deck and the radio automatically came on. The station 99.1 WHFS was talking about a plane that had \u201ccrashed\u201d into one of the World Trade Center buildings in New York, and they weren\u2019t sure if it was intentional or an accident. I thought that it was odd and I hoped too many people weren\u2019t hurt. I then turned off the radio and went to work.<\/p>\n
September 11th was a Tuesday, which was the day of the week virtually all CDs were released back then. Jay-Z \u201cThe Blueprint,\u201d P.O.D. \u201cSatellite,\u201d Ben Folds \u201cRockin\u2019 the Suburbs,\u201d Slayer \u201cGod Hates Us All,\u201d Mariah Carey \u201cGlitter,\u201d and Dream Theater \u201cLive Scenes from New York\u201d were released that day, so my mind was on the people coming to pick up their reservations. I got the registers ready and opened the store at 10am. I was alone and no one else was scheduled to come in until the afternoon. This wasn\u2019t unusual for a weekday during that time of year. I remember noticing that something was \u201coff\u201d with the customers that morning. It wasn\u2019t a bad thing; they just seemed different. At one point, the credit card machine was not processing any transactions. A regular customer, who was normally demanding, was very somber when her credit card could not be processed. \u201cThat\u2019s okay. There are more important things to worry about. I\u2019ll pay cash.\u201d The credit card machine would not be able to process any transactions for a while\u00a0and no one was upset about this. I didn\u2019t know at the time it was likely because the phone lines were tied up, since numerous people were trying to call their families.<\/p>\n
After some time,\u00a0the store phone rang. It was a coworker who was off that day. He seemed panicked and said, \u201cOh, thank God. I\u2019ve been trying to reach you all morning but was unable to get through.\u201d I asked him what was wrong and he\u2019d asked if I heard about what happened in New York. I told him I knew about that plane that hit. He explained that another plane had hit the building beside it and a plane had hit the Pentagon. This was the information he knew at the time. It was at that moment that my heart sunk and I knew that the first plane hitting was no accident. His words were, \u201cWe are at war.\u201d Because I was the only employee, and customers probably assumed I knew and didn\u2019t tell me, I didn\u2019t know what happened for hours. There was no TV playing the news at my job. There were no smartphones for the instant news access we have today. I don\u2019t think \u201csocial media\u201d was even a term back then. My coworker called every few minutes to give me further updates. This might sound like it would be obnoxious or stress-inducing, but I was grateful. I didn\u2019t feel alone and I wanted to know what was happening.<\/p>\n
But there was a lot of disinformation in the minutes and hours after\u00a0the attacks. This is common in general with breaking news stories. My coworker told me that there were car bombs in and near DC. He\u2019d also heard that some shopping centers in the DC suburbs were on fire, possibly bombed. Keep in mind that I was only 30 miles away from DC and in a shopping center myself, so this was unnerving. Thankfully, these turned out to be false and were based on inaccurate eyewitness reports, among other things. As someone who is now a skeptic, and recalling this incident\u00a0and countless other big news stories, I\u2019ve made sure to remember\u00a0that facts right after a major news event might not come out until later. The information first reported might be false \u2013 usually unintentionally, but false nonetheless. My coworker was only trying to help me by warning me with what he had heard had happened, and had only the best of intentions, so I hold no ill feelings toward him for this.<\/p>\n
During sometime in the early afternoon, a man was walking fast in the hallway of the mall and was yelling \u201cWe are closing! Close the stores!\u201d Columbia Mall had recently given a letter\u00a0to the stores of what the procedures were for early closings,\u00a0and it certainly wasn\u2019t that someone would just yell down the hallway to close. I wasn\u2019t sure if the mall was really closed or if it was some random man playing a prank. There was no answer when I called the main office. The other stores were closing, so I figured I might as well do the same. I called the manager of Suncoast store in the same mall, as\u00a0they were the same company as Sam Goody\/Musicland. Since we were both working alone and couldn\u2019t have another employee verify the register cash amounts, we signed off on each other\u2019s paperwork, so that we were still doing the closing procedures as properly as possible. Yes, even during 9\/11 I had to make sure my ass wasn\u2019t getting fired. As I walked out of the mall, I saw paper signs taped to the entrance doors that said the mall was closed so that everyone could be with their loved ones.<\/p>\n
When I arrived at my apartment, my roommates weren\u2019t there. I turned on the TV and the footage of the attacks was playing. This was maybe about 2pm or 3pm in the afternoon, hours after most Americans had already seen it, but I was viewing it for the first time. The way I had pictured it was much different from what it actually looked like. My heart sunk again. It was like I was re-learning about this. It makes me wonder about other events in history that weren\u2019t recorded by a camera and how much more devastating we\u2019d think they were if we could see that, versus how we visualize the events in our minds.<\/p>\n
My roommate had arrived home a\u00a0bit\u00a0later. It was so comforting to see him and actually talk about what happened with someone in person. That evening, I remember going online on Yahoo Groups for local Maryland bands, to make sure everyone was OK. After a while, I wanted a small escape from what had happened, so I turned on MTV, but even they were playing footage of the attacks.\u00a0I became exhausted just from the mental and emotional effects that the events had caused, but then I felt guilty. The victims’ families couldn’t just turn off the TV. This was their lives now.<\/p>\n
The next day at work, everyone was talking about what happened and it felt good to see each other and share our thoughts. Some customers had shown up in patriotic attire. I went across the hall to Claire\u2019s to buy some red, white, and blue bangle bracelets. It may seem silly, and I\u2019m not normally an overtly patriotic person, but it felt good to wear the colors and to see others do the same. We had all felt so helpless and powerless and this was a small way of relieving that, and we felt united. Corporate sent us a memo saying that we had to take the Dream Theater album \u201cLive Scenes From New York\u201d off the shelves and had to immediately send it back to headquarters. We were not to sell it to any customers. The cover art depicted New York City on fire. This was a coincidence, but I understand why the\u00a0band decided to\u00a0change the cover art.<\/p>\n Back in 2001, Baltimore and DC had fantastic local music scenes. (I\u2019m not saying they don\u2019t now, but I know they did in 2001 because I was a part of it.) I went to local shows at least<\/em> twice a week in those days and was performing as a solo artist. There were shows scheduled for the Friday and Saturday after 9\/11 that were expected to have a large attendance, and I had planned to attend. When the end of the week rolled around, some of the band members posted in Yahoo Groups that they weren\u2019t sure if they should still play. They felt silly putting on a show when so much more important stuff was happening in the world and other people were suffering. Many people had something similar to survivor guilt. But we expressed that we needed them to still perform because \u2013 as trite as it sounds now \u2013 we didn\u2019t want the terrorists to win. If events were canceled and we changed our way of life, then they would have won. We also found great comfort in music and needed to see our friends. The band members agreed and later said their sets were almost therapeutic for them to play.<\/p>\n The Monday after 9\/11, I performed a solo set in Baltimore and that was a great outlet for me. And I\u2019m grateful that I had these shows and the music community, as well as my roommates and coworkers. During this whole time, I was not on speaking terms with my mother. I didn\u2019t have a cell phone back then. She didn\u2019t know that I\u2019d been transferred to a different work location. This was the first very emotional thing I had to endure without my family. But I was lucky to have wonderful people around me and I knew that I could have support and a connection with people who weren\u2019t related to me. While I felt scared after 9\/11, I also felt reassured that I\u2019d be okay on my own.<\/p>\n As the weeks went on, I started thinking about how easy it is to die. I kept it to myself at first until my friends started expressing they felt this way. I was glad I wasn\u2019t the only one. We started talking about how you could just trip the wrong way or have an accident in the bathtub and die. A driver could be careless and kill you by accident. Life seemed much more fragile right after 9\/11. This eventually faded but I didn\u2019t know it would at the time.<\/p>\n I lived somewhat close to BWI Airport, so my roommates and I could hear planes taking off and getting ready to land. It was such a common occurrence that we hardly noticed it before the terrorist attacks. When the airports were open for the first time after 9\/11, I couldn\u2019t get a good night\u2019s sleep. Every time a plane took off or landed, I would wake up. This never happened before. I wasn\u2019t trying to wake up; my body automatically did it. It would be weeks before I could sleep the whole night through.<\/p>\n<\/a>