Last night was intense.<\/p>\n
My wife and I went to a workshop with a bunch of strangers and a pair of life coaches. \u00a0Can an atheist benefit some such an event? \u00a0Yes, if they are willing to, but that’s the same with anyone. \u00a0One of the women there was very resistant and to be perfectly honest, when it was my turn, I was too.<\/p>\n
It turns out that depression is not my problem. \u00a0It’s a side effect of the real problem. \u00a0I’m ashamed.<\/p>\n
Me having to be always right is actually a coping mechanism. \u00a0If I’m right all the time, then I don’t have to be ashamed of being wrong. \u00a0I don’t like getting compliments because I don’t feel like I am smart. \u00a0Therefore I’m ashamed that I don’t live up to others expectations.<\/p>\n
Every slight, real or imagined, is amplified way out of proportion. \u00a0That depresses me. \u00a0But it’s because I’m ashamed of not being perfect.<\/p>\n
In other words, in spite of my best efforts to really be self-reflective and understand what and who I am… I’m still not there yet. \u00a0I can see the symptoms, but I hadn’t realized that those are symptoms, not the actual problem. \u00a0As with most of these kinds of things, they are massively deep in my history and psyche and a 5 hour session one night is not going to fix me.<\/p>\n
Coping methods work. \u00a0One of our number was mentally abused as a child and was never good enough for her mother. \u00a0Her coping method was to worker harder, do more, be perfect all the time. \u00a0She is the hardest worker anyone of us has ever seen. \u00a0If you someone to do a job, you want her. \u00a0She’ll do it, on time, under budget, and perfect. \u00a0And she gets massively depressed when things aren’t perfect. \u00a0Especially in her own life.<\/p>\n
I’m the same way. \u00a0Except my coping method is to be smart. \u00a0Everyone in the room agreed that if they needed information or help in any class, they would want me there. \u00a0But that need for me to be right has been pushing away those I love. \u00a0I don’t argue, I correct. \u00a0And I did it to everyone last night. \u00a0I’m certainly not proud of it. \u00a0And I’m a little ashamed, which means I’m slightly depressed about it.<\/p>\n
But I can see it coming, so it’s not as intense. \u00a0And I promise to not make this blog my own personal psychotherapy session.<\/p>\n
But I think that it’s important in claiming to be a skeptic to not lie to myself. \u00a0That’s what those ‘others’ do. \u00a0I don’t, or I try not to. \u00a0I think that this kind of thing can be\u00a0beneficial. \u00a0One thing that everyone in the group recognized last night was that everyone had the same problems as everyone else.<\/p>\n
We aren’t alone. \u00a0We live in a tribe of humans. \u00a0We may feel like no one understands and no one can imagine what we’re going through, but no one is that different. \u00a0Some have been hurt so they lash out. \u00a0Some have been hurt and close up. \u00a0Some are lonely and close up. \u00a0Some are lonely and act out.<\/p>\n
But we all have problems, even if we let no one see them or we don’t even realize that they exist.<\/p>\n
We aren’t alone and it’s OK not to be perfect, or outgoing, or confident, or anything else all the time.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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