{"id":325,"date":"2013-03-14T10:25:29","date_gmt":"2013-03-14T17:25:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/skepticink.com\/lateraltruth\/?p=325"},"modified":"2013-03-14T11:43:07","modified_gmt":"2013-03-14T18:43:07","slug":"happy-birthday-sort-of","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/skepticink.com\/lateraltruth\/2013\/03\/14\/happy-birthday-sort-of\/","title":{"rendered":"Happy Birthday…sort of."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>One of my favourite garage-sale treasures ever <\/em>is a huge, garish door-stopper of a book that cost me roughly fifteen cents a pound\u2014that is, it weighs just under seven pounds, and cost me only one Canadian dollar.\u00a0 Its title is a simple, direct question – \u201cWhat is Scientology?\u201d – and it was compiled by the staff of the Church of Scientology International, who should certainly know. \u00a0\u00a0But of its many wondrous chapters, my favourite is the third, which recounts the adventures of an amazing fictional superhero known as L. Ron Hubbard.<\/p>\n

Okay, I know there was a real historical figure called L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology, who could be celebrating his 102nd<\/sup> birthday today* if he hadn\u2019t decided to discard his body in 1985 – but surely he cannot be the same guy as the one in the book.<\/p>\n

The fictional Hubbard spent his childhood on his grandfather\u2019s vast Montana cattle ranch, where the local Blackfoot shamans taught him their wisdom, and made him a blood brother at the tender age of six.\u00a0 The real Hubbard\u2019s grandfather sold coal and automobile accessories<\/a>, and lived in a house in Helena \u2013 the same house where the real Hubbard grew up.<\/p>\n

The fictional Hubbard spent his latter teenage years wandering alone through Japan, the Philippines, Guam, and the remotest corners of China, having astounding adventures, studying with mystics, partying with lost tribes and Mongolian bandits.\u00a0 The real Hubbard spent a few months on Guam, where his father was stationed, and made a couple of short trips with his mum and dad to China, which he didn\u2019t much like.\u00a0 Apparently, it had too many \u201cchinks\u201d.<\/p>\n

The fictional Hubbard was a much-decorated naval war hero, wounded all over \u2013 that is, all over the world, as well as all over himself.\u00a0 The real Hubbard had an ulcer and served mostly in home waters, and his brief and only command ended when he inadvertently attacked Mexico<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Etc, etc. \u00a0Whole books<\/a> have been written about Hubbard\u2019s full, rich fantasy life and what came of it<\/a>.\u00a0 \u00a0Before the war, a fellow pulp writer inconsiderately calculated that Hubbard would already need to be 84 to have accomplished everything he claimed by that point, in his outpouring of tall tales.\u00a0 This is not unusual in charismatic, messianic characters like Hubbard.\u00a0 It is standard for that breed to have their origins glamorized, their past aggrandized, their achievements exaggerated or even fabricated.\u00a0 Many cult messiahs lay their own groundwork, but the full flavour of their legends may not develop until many years after they die.\u00a0 What is notable about L. Ron Hubbard is how ruthlessly creative he was about building his own legend in his own time; what is notable about his followers is that they can contemplate Hubbard\u2019s outrageous brags while keeping a straight face.<\/p>\n

Anyway, Commodore Hubbard, whatever planet you\u2019re on now, Happy 102nd<\/sup> Birthday \u2013 I guess.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*Hubbard’s birthday is the 13th of March. \u00a0I wrote this yesterday, but life got in the way of posting it until this morning. \u00a0So sue me – no, wait, I didn’t mean that.<\/p>\n

UPDATE: Of course, I should have realized that today is Albert Einstein’s birthday – so, a genuine and heartfelt birthday toast to him!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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