In the recent past, I’ve talked about how an apology might sometimes be worthwhile even if you don’t think you’ve done anything seriously\u00a0culpable. Perhaps you expressed yourself as well as anyone could reasonably expect in the circumstances, but somebody still got the wrong impression – not out of being obtuse or malicious, but simply because of different background experiences or the inevitable ambiguities in even the most careful expression. Or maybe you misinterpreted something despite showing\u00a0about as much care,\u00a0sensitivity, and charity\u00a0as could reasonably be\u00a0expected given the distractions we all face, your particular experiences with certain words (based on the milieu in which you’ve encountered them in the past), or just the inevitable ambiguities of language.<\/p>\n
In these and many other cases, some kind of light apology – “Oops, sorry, I misunderstood that bit!” or “Oops, I didn’t really mean to suggest that!” – might be given, and perhaps reciprocated, without the suggestion that anyone did anything that\u00a0justifies serious blame, shame, or guilt. I’m not saying this ought to be required of people, but depending on the circumstances it might often be helpful. Even so-called “notpologies” might have a place in the cause of social harmony: perhaps you haven’t done anything very culpable, but you really do feel regret that some people have felt offended by whatever you did or\u00a0said\u00a0(and you don’t actually blame them in any serious way, either… just inevitable ambiguity, inadvertence, and so on have produced an unfortunate outcome\u00a0that you’d like to make less harsh).<\/p>\n
So, I am\u00a0in favour of all sorts of apologies that may be less than abject or which don’t seriously admit to culpability. These may just express concern for the feelings of others, or regret for causing confusion, or whatever, and among people of good will they can often be reciprocated. I’m not going to write off large classes of apologies as worthless, and I think the “notpology” meme is one that we ought to deploy with caution.<\/p>\n