Last night I had the pleasure and privilege of performing a secular wedding ceremony for a beautiful young couple in the heart of the State Capitol. I’m actually still a bit choked up thinking back on it now. Their exchange of vows was a thing of beauty, deeply heartfelt and personal, and I have great hopes for them as they start their new life as a married couple.
There are those who believe we freethinkers should cast off each and every one of the traditions typically associated with religion in our culture, including old-fashioned ideas of monogamy, marriage, and the public solemnization thereof. Although I’m quite happy to smile without prejudgment upon most any alternative arrangements between consenting adults, I firmly believe that the freethought community should be welcoming to those who adhere to the old-fashioned ideas of pair-bonding and child-rearing. I’m not saying it is for everyone, but rather that we should celebrate and support those who choose this path for themselves, whatever their gender, gender identification, or orientation.
Doing this, of course, requires that we find ways to perform secular wedding ceremonies, which requires crafting our own scripts, choosing our own settings, and training a corps of celebrants who are legally empowered to perform ceremonies. Within my local community, we have a decent handful of people who fit the bill. I assume that other cities with active atheist communities do as well. If you live anywhere in Oklahoma, and you are hoping to get married without a religious ceremony, we can probably hook you up. If you live elsewhere, just get involved in your local group and ask around to find out who has gone through the process of registering with the County/State as a minister or celebrant for the purposes of solemnizing marriages. Alternatively, you can look up the requirements for first-time registration within your jurisdiction. It’s usually not all that hard, if you don’t mind a bit of paperwork. Easier than doing your own taxes, at any rate.
A few tips are in order here for would-be secular celebrants. In no particular order:
- Be sure that all the formal legal requirements are met. They vary by jurisdiction, and it’s always a pain to have to go back and refile. Don’t marry cousins unless you’re in the kind of state that goes for that sort of thing.
- If there ceremony is supposed to be outdoors, be aware that Thor and YHWH are both sky gods and probably have it in for you lot.
- Rehearse your part of the ceremony, even if there is no formal rehearsal. I find that it really helps to record yourself using the voice memos feature of your phone and play it back to hear how you did.
- Unless you are mic’d up into a sound system, remember to PROJECT! Speak from the gut.
- Bring a nice-looking book in which to hold your script. I prefer my first edition of Agnosticism by Robert Flint, but you should go with whatever fits you most comfortably.
- If you can pull it off, grow out a thick beard. People associate that with ceremonial authority, for reasons I’ve never fully understood.
And don’t forget to relish the moment! This is a joyous occasion and the audience wants you all to succeed wildly. Anyone who doesn’t shouldn’t be on the guest list. Have fun, and good luck!
